Looking back at the past 3 years, it certainly wasn't an easy journey.
From being best of friends, to bitter rivals to being stuck in this tangled web that none of us know how to get out from.
I am ashamed of myself for initially seeing this as a victory. For I have won the heart of the one I love, but lost a friend in the process. Technically speaking, I've lost her a long time ago, but I was ashamed for seeing this as a victory, because I fully understand how she must have felt. For a certain duration of time before, I too had that bitterness inside of me, when I thought that it wasn't meant to be for me. And that slowly over time, if they are meant to be, I will back off and wish them well. But as God slowly reveals in His time, things weren't as what I thought, and eventually, God gave me what I never expected to have.
But as society has it, in the words of Allan G. Johnson in his book "Privilege, Power and Difference", there is no way that a problem of difference can involve just one. While I obtained the privilege of happiness, she suffered an ordeal of bitterness.
Initially, I chose to appreciate and express my happiness, and to be ignorant to her sufferings because it was easier that way. But I realised my actions aggravated her pain and as a friend, I wanted to do something to make her feel better again.
So, in an effort to be understanding, I took in every wrongful accusation she hurled at us. Me, a brainwasher. Him, an a'hole. Both of us together, a shameless couple? You'll be amazed how much swearing and sharp words a bitter person can express.
But how much taunt are we suppose to bear? How long are we suppose to put up with all her acts?
Truth being said, there's a part of me that wishes I'll never have to deal with her in my life anymore, because that would mean that I'll have to constantly open myself to the possibility of old wounds reopening, future similar problems to happen or even more backstabbing. But to do that, I would be despicable, a hypocrite. For how can I read the Words of God and share my beliefs with others and NOT practice it in my own life? So I told myself, that when the time comes, I WILL embrace the opportunity of a reconciliation. But just like every other relationships, it takes two to tango. So until she is ready for that, there is nothing more I can do.
I don't know how many people she has told things to already, or worse, how much of the truth has she hidden or distorted to her benefit (something she's VERY good at when she's really pissed). But I believe our God is a God who is just. He will reveal the truth and open the eyes of everyone to see it. But I am not saying this, with the meaning that what she's doing is wrong or anything, because in fact, all of us have a role in this whole mess, all of us have had our fair share of tears and wrongdoings. All I'm asking for... is for God to reveal the truth as it is, so that everyone can see the whole truth for what it is, and not the biased version of what myself, he or she may have conveyed.
